Thursday, June 30, 2011

Real Fears

So about a week ago I read a post from my 100% absolute most favorite blogger.... Little Miss Momma.  
I always enjoy reading what she has to say and get a real sense that she enjoys life, truly, all of it. 
This post was different though, it really made me do some inward thinking, and it actually made me. not emotional. me. tear up.  The thing is I could completely relate to this feeling and these thoughts.  
I too without a doubt feel like I'm a positive thinker, I enjoy life, and I feel that I have it good, more than good.  
So many times though I feel like it could all break, right out from under me this world of greatness could come crashing down like an insect too large for the spider's web to hold.  If I'm not careful, these thoughts can travel into greater thoughts, and even fears.  So last week when I read this I found myself moved by these words, so much so that as I laid down to sleep I found myself not being able to hug B tight enough, not able to tell him I love him enough, and eventually tears fell onto my pillow in a steady stream.  It was a sense of thankfulness and a "i hope this lasts forever" type of moment.  

The fear of losing something or someone is overwhelming and I that fear is what keeps me going at the 90mph speed that I hit life at.  I want to see it all, do it all, love it all, share with all, cook with all, no as little regrets as possible, make God proud kind of life. 
Then I thought about it some more.  Maybe that fear, is really God's way of having us cease the day and not take what he has given us for granted.  I know that in those moments I try not to dwell on the fears, but instead to remember to pray, for the strength in the future to deal with truth of the fears appearing, in a way that let's me remember that I have been blessed to have a life filled with something so good that I would hate to ever lose it.  
What do you fear?

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