Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Every Momma's Battle

To work or not to work. 

That is the question, for many momma's out there.
My answer was a waivering yes.  I am going back to work after 4 months of floating on cloud 9 in my little corner of heaven.  As of August 15th school is officially back in session and I will once again be a teacher to English Language Learners.  My schedule will be 3 1/2 days a week.  Less than half of my week...but it still makes for a heavy heart in my chest these days.

I stood on the edge of this decision fence looking down at both sides for quite some time.  There were many thoughts and prayers that pushed me across the line that led me to ultimately choose the path of a working mom.  

But that decision was made 4 months ago, and if you've been following my little blog you know that I have fallen more in love with our baby boy each day.  


So now I find myself 4 months in love, and attached to a little guy that I don't want to leave.  I knew it wouldn't be easy, I just didn't know it would be this hard. (insert Coldplay, The Scientist)
Lately I have felt God was sending me signals to remind me of the importance found in my job.  In multiple meetings and professional development trainings I have heard the message; teachers have power, we can make or break the hope and future of a child.  To many of the children that attend my school their teachers may be the only positive influence they have in their lives.  That means every word, look, action, and move I make holds the power to build up and encourage children who need it in the worst way.  Two Sundays ago our church recognized and prayed for everyone working in the schools.  It reminded me that  I have loved teaching and especially ELL, which I have done for the past 3 years.  The transformation made in my students from the beginning of the year to the end is amazing, not knowing how to speak the words to ask for help tying their shoes, to talking, reading, and laughing in broken, but proud English.  
In a school where we have had 9+ languages, I have seen my view of the world grow smaller.  My students have touched me.  So many children are robbed of their childhood, robbed of innocence, happiness, and joy.  As a teacher I have the chance to make their life a little different.  To influence.  To help them grow, make them feel special, and build their self-esteem.  I'm thankful for that.  



Knowing all of that doesn't make this easier, and I find myself asking questions that don't have a clear answer.
Yes these students need me too, but am I short changing Henry?
Will he miss me like I'll miss him?
What will I miss not be there for? His first time pulling up? Rolling over?  Speaking?
What if he ends up preferring someone else over me?
They don't know him like I know him.  How will they know what he needs?  


Looking at him this past week I often thought about how much I will miss his sweet smiles and cuddles throughout my day.  God has planted other thoughts in my head at those moments.  Maybe I am doing the right thing.  The love and attention Henry gets from me in 10 minutes is sadly more than some children get in a day.  So if I can let them know just how special they are too, I suppose my time away from him is well spent?  
He will be well cared for while I'm gone, and when I see him at the end of my work day he will get so many kisses he will have to scrub them off with a brillo pad. 

17 comments:

  1. You've got a sweet little baby boy there. Going back to work for the first time is incredibly difficult but your guy will be fine. From one working mother to another my advice is to enjoy his babyhood and don't sweat the small stuff. Good luck!

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    1. Thanks so much. Good to hear from another working momma that it will all be fine. :)

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  2. You will be just fine!!! I know it will take some adjusting but have faith :) Henry know his momma loves him so much and these children need to know someone loves them too! Will be thinking of you!

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  3. Such a hard thing, thinking of you!!
    When I went back to work after Jayden I told his caretakers that I didn't want to know if he had pulled up, said something new, etc. this way I felt like I was still the first to see it & I didn't have to hear about it from someone else.
    We need more teachers like you in our school systems!!

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  4. I found it incredibly difficult to go back to work but you can be a great Mama and a working Mama at the same time. Sometimes those few hours away from your little one can make being with him all the sweeter. I love coming home and having my boys run to me screaming "MAMA!" They are so happy that I'm there.

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    1. That is true. It will make my time with him all the more precious. I bet those are the best words you could hear! "mama!" Love it!

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  5. Awww..what a cutie! <3

    I'm visiting from Naptime Review's Operation Fabulous and I'm now following you via GFC. Be sure to check out our Summer Reading Weekly Book Giveaway if you get the chance! Cheers!

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  6. Hey girl! I'm stopping by from the blog hop. I'm one of the co-hosts! Thanks for linking up!

    I hope you're having an awesome day! :)

    -Alexis
    www.livingthewifestyle.com

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! Love the name of your blog btw.

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  7. Hi. I am over newly following you from The Naptime Review operation fabulous.

    I just want to cry for you because I am right there with you. I was home for 6 months on Maternity Leave when I first returned to work. I only stayed that school year for 2 months before my son was diagnosed with cancer and I took off the rest of the year to be home with him. Returning to work last year was the hardest thing for me. I wish I could say this year was easier.

    Bless you for your positive attitude toward it.

    Dawn
    briananddawnfudge.blogspot.com

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    1. Wow. May God bless you and little Liam. Your words encouraged me more than you know.

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  8. Hi Elizabeth,
    I came from Operation Fabulous at Naptime Review. I am now following you. It would be great if you would follow me back. Your baby is adorable.
    Debi Bolocofsky
    Adorned From Above
    www.adornedfromabove.com

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  9. Teachers are unsung heroes...but I'd have a hard time leaving that adorable boy at home too. Thanks for linking up.

    Lauren

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