Moments where I realize he is becoming a big boy happen so often lately. 9 month pregnant hormones begun to kick in and tears of thankfulness and uncertainty are quickly blinked away more than once a day now as our journey of a family of three comes to a close. I am certain he will be the most wonderful big brother. Though his world will shift to having to share attention and his family I know this resilient boy will be just fine. I wonder how our relationship may change and a large part of me fears this unknown world of being a momma to two.
As the tender age of two becomes testier at times I am the one he tends to push back on, because I am here to love and discipline. We have been in a phase for quite some time where being cuddly and lovey with mommy just isn't what he wants, and that's O.K. I'm with him most of the time. His love and admiration for his daddy is growing stronger in a way that makes his whole body jump with excitement when he enters the door. It's the most precious thing to see.
My prayer for us is that he never questions the love we have for him, or somehow in his toddler mind thinks it has changed. I know I will struggle as all new mothers of two do, and I pray that I can find that balance between caring for a newborn, cherishing the fleeting moments as she grows at a lightning fast speed, and still showing Henry he's my forever baby boy.
It's so weird to say that at the end of this pregnancy I find myself being sad but it's true. I can't help but think that I will miss the times when it was just Henry. How can I feel that way while simultaneously being excited and thankful at the life of our new daughter we are so anxious to meet.....? It's something I can not explain but I know in my heart that God will take care of it all. Once she is here it will be as if this was how it was meant to be all along. For now I'll remain the crazy hormonal pregnant lady who may give her baby boy too many unwanted kisses, squeeze him a little too tight, and blink back tears when we tell him goodnight.